Biographies of Jesters (滑稽列傳 Guji Liezhuan) Part Nine

Paragraph 12: Guo Sheren (郭舍人)

When Emperor Wu of Han reigned, he favored a court entertainer Guo Sheren, whose words deviated from those of saints and sages but often delighted his master. Emperor Wu, in his infancy, was placed in the nursery care of Marquess Dongwu (the mother of Marquis Dongwu); in his adulthood, Emperor Wu rewarded her with the title of the Imperial Fosterer (or Darumu, lit. the Grand Nursing Mother). Now, this wet nurse of Emperor Wu's usually visited him twice a month. At her visit in the morning, Emperor Wu would have his well-trusted official Ma You-qing give her fifty reels of silk and serve her food and drink. One day, the nurse met with Emperor Wu and said, "I am aware of some royal farmland available; I'd like to loan it." Emperor Wu replied, "Would my nurse like to own it?" And so she had it. Every request of the nurse's was met by the Emperor's goodwill. And the edict had it that the nurse was entitled to traveling the Imperial Highway in her carriage. At that time, all the court honored her. Some time later, the servants and attendants of the nurse's household began to act like villains and their villainy plagued the capital Chang-An. They stopped people, horses, and carriages in broad daylight and robbed people of their personal belongings. Word spread and reached the Emperor, who could not bear to hold his nurse's household punishable by law. Officials in charge suggested the nurse's household be relocated onto the borders as a punishment of exile. The Emperor authorized the punishment. On the day of exile, the nurse was to ask the Emperor for her leave before departure. Before that, she went to Guo Sheren in tears. Guo said to her, "When you see the Emperor, you ask for your leave adn you leave quickly. But stop and look back between your hurried steps." The nurse followed Guo's instruction and did accordingly at court. Guo then, in the presence of the Emperor, responded abruptly to her act by saying, "Tush! Hag! Hurry away! His Majesty is now fully grown. Would he ever need you around to suckle him? Don't bother looking back!" At Guo's words, the Emperor felt sad and sorry for his nurse. The Emperor gave his order to annul the exile and whoever spoke ill of it was to be punished.

*武帝時有所幸倡郭舍人(she4ren2; an honorific similar to Mister or Master)者，發言陳辭雖不合大道，然令人主和說(yue4; pleased)。武帝少時，東武侯母常養帝，帝壯時，號之曰「大乳母」。率(shuo4; generally)一月再朝。朝奏入，有詔使幸臣馬游卿以帛五十匹賜乳母，又奉飲(yin3)糒(bei4; cooked rice)飱(sun1; prepared food)養(yang4; to feed)乳母。乳母上書曰：「某所有公田，願得假倩(jia3qian4; to borrow)之。」帝曰：「乳母欲得之乎？」以賜乳母。乳母所言，未嘗不聽。有詔得令乳母乘車(jü1)行馳道中。當此之時，公卿大臣皆敬重乳母。乳母家子孫奴從者(nü2zong4zhe3; servants and attendants)橫(heng4)暴長安中，當道掣頓(che4dun4; to rob or to detain)人車馬，奪人衣服。聞於中(zhong1; the court)，不忍致之法。有司請徙乳母家室，處之於邊。奏可。乳母當入至前，面見辭。乳母先見郭舍人，為(wei2)下泣。舍人曰：「即入見辭去，疾步數(shuo4)還(huan2)顧。」乳母如其言，謝去，疾步數還顧。郭舍人疾言罵之曰：「咄(duo4; Zut!; Blast!)！老女子！何不疾行！陛下已壯矣，寧尚須汝乳而活邪(ye2)？尚何還顧！」於是人主憐焉悲之，乃下詔止無徙乳母，罰謫譖(zen4; to malign)之者。

**The original paragraph in Chinese is taken from: Sima Qian. Ed. Han Zhaoqi. New Translation Shiji. vol.VIII. Taipei: Sanmin, 2008. 4955-4956. (司馬遷. 韓兆琦 注譯. 新譯史記, 第八冊. 臺北市：三民, 2008. 4955-4958頁. ISBN: 978-95-14-5001-8). All translation is based upon the text and annotations thereof (4955-4958), with the exception of the ending line where the San-Min translation reads: "The Emperor punished instead the officials who suggested exile for his nurse." My understanding of the last line in the original somehow differs in a way that allows a more reasonable possibility to me as a reader and a translator.
***All translation is mine.

Biographies of Jesters (滑稽列傳 Guji Liezhuan) Part Eight

Paragraph 11: Supplements by Chu Shao-Sun (褚少孫)

(portrait taken from: http://baike.so.com/doc/349838-370580.html. 360百科: "褚少孙." February 11, 2017.) 

Thus speaks Master Chu, "I am honored with a scholarly position for my studies; I too am keen on reading outside my studies. I'd like to emulate the Grand Historian by adding six accounts of guji (滑稽, an equivalent for humor in Chinese) events as supplements in the following paragraphs. "

*褚(chu3)先生曰：臣幸得以經術為郎，而好(hao4)讀外家傳(zhuan4)語。竊不遜讓，復作故事滑(gu3)稽之語六(lu4)章，編之於左。可以覽觀揚意，以示後世好(hao4)事者讀之，以游心駭耳，以附益上方太史公之三章。

**The original paragraph in Chinese is taken from: Sima Qian. Ed. Han Zhaoqi. New Translation Shiji. vol.VIII. Taipei: Sanmin, 2008. 4955. (司馬遷. 韓兆琦 注譯. 新譯史記, 第八冊. 臺北市：三民, 2008. 4955頁. ISBN: 978-95-14-5001-8). All translation is based upon the text and annotations thereof (4956).

***All translation is mine.

Biographies of Jesters (滑稽列傳 Guji Liezhuan) Part Seven

Paragraphs 7-10: Yo Zhan (優旃)

Yo Zhan, a dwarf and a court entertainer in the Qin Dynasty, excelled in jokes and jests. And yet his joking and jesting often serves righteous causes. Once, when Qin Shi-Huang was in reign, a royal banquet was decreed by Qin and followed by rain. All the royal guards were posted where rain could reach and cold could affect. Yo Zhan saw this and pitied them, and so he asked the guards, "Do you fancy a rest?" All guards answered, "That would be great." Yo Zhan then said, "I shall later call on you and you shall respond with "Yes!" accordingly." Later on, all hailed Qin at court. At that time, Yo Zhan suddenly turned to the guards, leaning on the rails from high, shouting, "Guards in arms!" The guards responded with "Yes!" Yo Zhan then started jesting them, "Your tallness blesses you with a position in the rain; my shortness blesses me with a position under the roof!" Hearing this, Qin ordered the guards to work on shifts and in half their number so as to replace each other and to rest.

Another time, Qin suggested an extension for his royal hunting park. When the extension completed, the part will border on the Hangu Pass (函谷關) in the east and border on the Yong City (雍) and the Chen Cang County (陳倉) in the west. Yo Zhan replied, "What a great idea!  Make sure we keep enough beasts in the park so that we can easily defend any invasion from the east by sending the elks to gore the enemies alone." At this, Qin dropped the idea.

When Qin Er-Shi (the Second Emperor of Qin, Qin Shi-Huang's son) ascended the throne, he would like to have the Great Wall painted. Yo Zhan resonded, "What a great idea! Even if Your Majesty did not suggest it, I would take the liberty. Although painting the Wall shall tax the people heavily for its coast, but it is good. It is good in that the paint shall render the Wall so stately that it keeps the enemies from climbing it. Even if they dare to try, they shall be tainted with paint, because it is hard to find a space big enough to dry such a coating of paint." Qin Er-Shi then laughed and dropped the idea. Soon, Qin Er-Shi was killed and the Qin Dynasty ended. Yo Zhan surrendered to the succeeding Han Court. Years afterwards, Yo Zhan died.

The Grand Historian Sima Qian says, "Chunyu Kun laughs and Weiwang thrives; Yo Meng sings and the firewood gatherer is granted fief; Yo Zhan jests and the guards rest. Is this not great?"

*優旃 (zhan1)者，秦倡(chang1)侏儒也。善為笑言，然合於大道。秦始皇時，置酒而天雨，陛楯(shun3)者皆沾寒。優旃見而哀之，謂之曰：「汝 欲休乎？」陛楯者皆曰：「幸甚。」優旃曰： 「我即呼汝，汝疾應曰諾。」居有頃，殿上上壽呼萬歲。優旃臨檻大 呼曰：「陛楯郎！」郎曰：「諾。」優旃曰：「汝雖長(chang2)，何益，幸雨立。我雖短也， 幸休居。」於是始皇使陛楯者得半相代。

始皇嘗議欲大苑囿，東至函谷關，西至雍、陳倉。優旃曰：「善。多縱禽獸 於其中，寇從東方來，令麋鹿觸之足矣。」始皇以故輟止。

二世立，又欲漆其城。優旃曰：「善。主上雖無言，臣固將請之。漆城雖於百姓愁費，然佳哉！漆城蕩蕩，寇來不能上。即欲就之，易為漆耳，顧難為蔭室。」 於是二世笑之，以其故止。居無何，二世殺死，優旃歸漢，數年而卒。

太史公曰：淳于髡仰天大笑，齊威王橫行。優孟搖頭而歌，負薪者以封。優旃臨檻疾呼， 陛楯得以半更(geng1)。豈不亦偉哉！

**The original paragraph in Chinese is taken from: Sima Qian. Ed. Han Zhaoqi. New Translation Shiji. vol.VIII. Taipei: Sanmin, 2008. 4952, 4954. (司馬遷. 韓兆琦 注譯. 新譯史記, 第八冊. 臺北市：三民, 2008. 4952, 4954頁. ISBN: 978-95-14-5001-8). All translation is based upon the text and annotations thereof (4953, 4955).
***All translation is mine.